I love writing essays. Below are the essays I’ve written.
“Though she be but little, she is fierce!”
― William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream
Anders in His Mental Illness
Because of Ander’s figurative bullet, mental illness, he lost his senses and consequently died from a legitimate bullet which serves as a catalyst.
“Fuck with me again, you’re history. Capiche?” Anders burst out laughing. He covered his mouth with both hands and said, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” then snorted helplessly through his fingers and said, “Capiche – oh, God, capiche,” and at that the man with the pistol raised the pistol and shot Anders right in the head. This quote shows why he died. Anders laughed when the robber said “Capiche” (Wolff 203) which caused the robber to get annoyed and lost his patience. This resulted Anders getting killed. Most people would know when to laugh and when to not. However, Anders did not remember that he wasn’t supposed to laugh or make fun of words because it was too late for him. He remembers the incident in the past with “they is” (Wolff 205) when “he knows better not to ask” (Wolff 205) after the bullet “smashes” (Wolff 203) into his brain. His rudeness, and his talent for making people lose patience on him supports the fact that he has mental illness. Laughter requires timing. Rarely, laughing would require in the middle of the sentence. We would laugh at the end of a speech or during a break. In a dangerous situation in like a bank robbery, a person would be in fear and scared because he/she wouldn’t know what would happen to him/her. A person would try not do anything because he/she wouldn’t know what the robbers might do. They might shoot him/her. But “Anders burst out laughing” (Wolff 203).
“He did not remember a single line of the hundreds of poems he had committed to memory in his youth so that he could give himself the shivers at will – not...” (Wolff 204). Taking into consideration that he doesn’t remember anything is surprising which shows he is mentally ill. The bullet has a figurative meaning which means that the bullet was already in his brain before he got shot in his head, since he doesn’t remember any situation in his life. “Anders did not remember how his eyes had burned at those sounds. He did not remember the surprise of seeing a college classmate’s name on the jacket of a novel not long after they graduated, or the respect he had felt after reading the book. He did not remember the pleasure of giving respect.” (Wolff 205) This quote shows that he only remembers the voices, he doesn’t remember the sounds he made and he doesn’t know how to give respect. The statistics states “Approximately 1 in 25 adults in the U.S. U.S.—9.8 million, or 4.0%—experiences a serious mental illness”. Because it says only 1 in 25 adults have serious mental illness, this conveys that Anders is a minority who is mentally ill and does not know how to act in front of people. Between the conversation of robber and Anders that’s placed in during Bank robbery scene right before Anders dies, Anders, unlike most of the people, answers disrespectfully in front of the robber. The numerous situations where he cannot remember therefore shows the bullet was already in the brain. The title “Bullet in the Brain” parallels to Anders’ mental status.
“He says hi with the rest but takes no further notice of him until they’ve chosen sides and someone asks the cousin what position he wants to play. “Shortstop,” the boy says. “Short’s the best position they is.” Anders turns and looks at him. He wants to hear Coyle’s cousin repeat what he’s just said, but he knows better than to ask.” (Wolff 205) This quote shows that the bullet serves as a catalyst because this situation, which is forty years before he died, shows that after he died, he began to realize something important and crucial. The bullet has a literal meaning, symbolizing catalyst. He is able to recover his senses and caused him to remember that he must not have laughed when the robber said “capiche” (Wolff 203). In the story of Macbeth by William Shakespeare, readers can interpret that the potential theme of ambitions from both Lady Macbeth and Macbeth himself may serve as a catalyst of the slow downfall of Macbeth. In “The Bullet in the Brain”, the bullet, which serves as a catalyst causes a result—for him to recover his senses. In “Macbeth”, ambitions serve as a catalyst which causes him to experience his downfall and soon die.
Staying Mentally Strong in Life
In my freshman year of high school, I joined cross-country with a friend for fun, little did I know this outdoor activity would help me learn how to stay strong mentally, not care what others think of me, and work hard. After six races, I was ranked first on my school’s team. I had a lot of fun as well as felt that people appreciated me. During my freshmen, sophomore, and senior year of high school, my school’s team went to Guam for the Asia Pacific Invitational competition to compete against Guam American Schools.
My first time in Guam was after I joined the team as a freshman. I was the youngest student in my team and that provided me a good opportunity to get close to several upperclassmen. We had a five-kilometer race in the morning at four a.m. and ended the race six a.m. I got really close with a teammate named Seo-hyun Kim in Guam, and we became roommates for three days. She was in her last year of high school. I told her I was really scared to run the five-kilometer race. She told me to just keep up my own pace and not to think about how others are doing. This made me a stronger person as a runner. After training schedules every day in the morning from four to six, members could spend time together at the beach. I experienced a lot from the trip and I took pictures of members after the race and took pictures of us having fun in Guam.
Upperclassmen, my peers, and my coaches appreciated me for doing well in Cross Country. They called me “Helen of Troy” for my ferocious skill and tenacity. Even though I didn’t know it growing up, I actually had quite a talent in cross-country. Through this, I found a community of students from all grades who supported my talent, and drew me out of my shell to develop it. To be honest, just running isn't exactly the most enjoyable thing my team members in high school could do during anyone’s precious hour and a half after school. It's hard, mentally and physically painful at most times, and, sometimes we all get the feeling of wanting to quit. But none of us ever do. It's the mentality that keeps us going. Being a part of a team made me learn how to collaborate with members helping each other. I always wish that I could have this feeling again in my entire lifetime.
From sophomore year, I began to have harder time since I had to take AP courses. I was devastated that I got second place. Losing my first place spot to a new member of my team, named Shea Drake also made me feel like all my hard work was for nothing. I got intimidated by her long legs, and the potential of skill in her. Her strides were bigger than anybody else, and people started to gear more attention to her. I started to feel hardships when I lost to her because I could not get the first place back and I was jealous of people noticing her more. I wanted to do more than have fun in the team because now all I thought about was getting that spot back. I got close with an upperclassman named Annie Na, who went to Guam with me in my first and second year of high school. I got 22:42 in Guam and lost to Shea Drake by four seconds. After the race, I talked to Annie, and told her I could have done better and I regret not running faster in the end. She told me “If you tried your best, that’s all that matters.” She emphasized that I shouldn’t hold back and instead move forward. Doing cross-country and studying together was a tiring experience for me. I felt more confident after talking to my friend but it was still hard to balance studying and sports at the same time.
Junior year I started to have a tough time because the work I had to do in SAT prep put so much pressure on me. I began to not talk to my cross-country friends over the summer break. I got slower and didn’t go to Guam because I lost motivation to run. As I practiced cross-country less, I tried to hide more and more from the team. My season best record from 2012-2015 was 22:07 in five kilometers in 2012, in the 2013 year it was 22:41, in the 2014 year it was 23:35, in the 2015 year it changed to 25:35; this was a significant difference. It was like not being able to eat spaghetti, my favorite food. I cried day after day. I could not focus on studying for the SAT, and did not memorize words. My grades were bad, so I couldn’t be on the team. I went to the Athletics Director, and talked to him and compromised because I was doing so poorly that technically I wasn’t supposed to be on the team. It did get better, and I stayed on the team. I was putting myself down because I had to talk with the Athletics Director which made me lose confidence.
As I kept up with cross-country, and the upperclassmen who had inspired me with their outreach went off to college, I found myself suddenly being the upperclassman, in my last year on the team. With such big shoes to fill, metaphorically speaking, I tried my hardest to motivate the freshmen and sophomores, and to provide them with encouragement and praise. This was my last time ever doing an organized sport and being a major part of a team. I talked to the coach named Drew Yanuszeski in the beginning of the season, and asked how I should perform this year compared to other years. He said by training I won’t get injured nearly as easily and I will run faster. He said not to give excuses this year and finish off being the best I can be and this will catapult me in all areas of life. I was satisfied that I could improve myself in managing studying and doing sports at the same time. I was busy during senior year: preparing for university applications, making a portfolio, and doing sports.
I lowered my expectation and tried to do my best facing my current situation. I started to not feel anxious at all before races. As years progressed, our team got better and better. If one person ran faster than me on the team, I would try to catch up to them, so we could push each other. That iron will screams, “I HAVE TO FINISH THIS RACE” every time I run, and it's almost become this chant of determination that goes on inside my head in a race. Smiling and laughing after I finish with team members—that's the reason why I run. It's the sense of accomplishment. And I think that sense of accomplishment is totally worth it.
Running, an unexpected gift, has opened up so many opportunities for me to learn about life and given me a truly wonderful community I’m lucky to have. In the future, whether I’m out for a run, or pulling an all- nighter, I will have the stamina to cross the finish line. All in all, this quote by Lance Armstrong really resonates within me—“Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, eventually it will subside and something else will take place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.”